Everything changes and sometimes things move on. Bread molds, stories end, and sometimes people who used to be in our lives no longer are. I have recently had a horrible decision to make. I stopped being an enabler to someone. It hurt a whole lot, but I can no longer pretend that I condone what this person is doing. I gave my advice I said my peace I was sportive, but at some point whatever I was doing was enabling this persons bad behavior. It frustrates me because I have a feeling this person is not fully grown up and is in need of guidance. Guidance I am not equipped to give. I am smart I know this, but I am not a doctor on the subject and while it is true that some people have to learn on their own even if it's the hard way I could no longer be a part of any of it.
Do I feel badly? Yes. Am I sad, Duh. I just can't stand hearing the same topic come up over and over and over. I wanted to scream. make up your fucking mind and then stick with your decision and live with it because limbo kills everyone involved. I guess limbo was chosen and I am its first victim. When you keep secret, when you lie or are dishonest... even by being quiet... it eats a part of you. A part you can never get back. I've done that once, and it nearly devoured me, and I refuse to be part of the same process again. Best friend or not. I don't even think that she care about who's heart she breaks in the process of getting what she wants. I do feel that she is very selfish and I am very hurt and upset that she is willing to throw away everything just to get some sexual pleasure and short and fleeting emotion. I hope I am proven wrong, but the light from this part of the tunnel is nil. I hope I find a bend or fork in the road soon. I leave you with the song that say how I am feeling.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Last I recall typing I was mired in the middle of my stores inventory, and I also had no time for almost anything. The laundry had not been done I found no time for shopping and I was barely able to breath. Tira's birthday came and went as well as the visiting of The sweet gryphon I love so much. Time goes to fast. It is an evil convention in which things go too slow when you don't want them to and to fast when you... ah you get what I am saying. Thankfully I have the past time of a game I love just as much as some others to be able and see my loved ones.